Full diagnosis: Depression, anxiety, EDNOS/OSFED, and Insomnia.
Medication-Why I hated it & What changed my mind
Recently on social media, I have seen negative posts surrounding medication, and while it’s not always the solution, I believe it is an option that should be explored. During my 8 month stay in a Psychiatric Unit, I refused my medication, this was due to a variety of reasons.
Firstly, I thought I wasn’t unwell. During some people’s ill state of mind, they often don’t realise how unwell they actually are, I consistently told the nurses and doctors that I wasn’t unwell, I just simply wanted to die… I was convinced it was a personality trait rather than apart of a mental illness.
Secondly, my father had brought me up from the age of 8, and he had given off a vibe that told me taking medication was a sign of weakness. He was already disappointed in me for being hospitalised, and I didn’t want him to be further disappointed in my weakness, I.E taking medication. Not only this but I myself, saw it as a weakness and I didn’t want to have to rely on medication and have a ‘weak mind’.
Thirdly, side effects. Ew, side effects… the worst thing about starting a new medication, or coming off one (or even being on the wrong kind). They made me feel sick, dizzy and even more unmotivated. My first medication was Fluoxetine, the main side effect I got from that was pure rage, and increased suicidal ideation and tendencies (the complete opposite of what the medication is meant to be doing). This obviously didn’t encourage me to take that particular medication and put me off exploring other ones.
When I decided to be more positive towards recovery I took a step back and looked at my options. Realistically, medication was an option, and I made a decision to explore it. Therapy didn’t work for me, and the next course of action was to give meds a go. While medication didn’t work for me then, I know it works and helps so many people now, and maybe it will even help me in the future. I do not think people who are on medication are weak or have anything to be ashamed of. In a way, I wish medication had helped me because unfortunately, I am yet to find my ‘thing’.
Life is a big adventure, and I guess during my adventure I will find out what works for me. So, if you find medication helps you, and keeps you safe and happy, please do not look at the negative posts on social media and feel bad for taking any form of medication.
Read more about Thara, a Mental Health, Lifestyle & Beauty Blogger from Scotland, at her blog Versablogs.